raanch

From hopeless to having hope.
From having hope to having faith.
From having faith to believing.
Now all I hope for is for me to stay out of the way.

I love seeing hope in a newcomer's eyes!

I know for a fact that I have never liked football one bit, but I went to every Super Bowl party I was ever invited to. Of course, that was to get blitzed! I can assure you that no AA meetings in our area have been canceled on Super Bowl Sunday.

I knew I wasn't going to get there for the start of the meeting, so instead of stressing out trying to get there ASAP, I took my time and got there in a good state of mind. I heard two people share, heard the promises, dropped a buck in the basket, saw chips offered and held hands and prayed. I don't know what the meeting was about, but I still felt better having been there. It was a good meeting.

Afterwards, I met with my sponsee and felt even better. It was a good session.

I was grateful to receive a call earlier today from a far-away friend who is still trying to find his way out of the relapse cycle. I'll get a chance to see him in about 5 weeks. I look forward to our face-to-face. It was a good conversation.

It was a good day.

Tonight I headed upstairs where a group usually splits meetings that are too large. Instead of walking into an AA meeting, it was an Al-Anon meeting. I said, "Hey, I've got drunks in my life! I think I'll stay." So I did. The meeting was on Step 1, which is exactly the same as in AA. Listening to the sharing, I realized that even if I were not an alcoholic and even if there were no alcoholics in my life, I'd have related to much of what was said. I would have needed some kind of program in my life, no matter what! This only serves to further validate my thinking that there ought to be a Humans Anonymous program.

I'm not really sure what tonight's meeting was about, but it started with someone sharing about relapsing after 10 years. I related to the share, for this person's recovery "came easy" the first time. Once I stopped being "around" AA and actually not only joined, but participated, got a sponsor and worked the steps, my recovery came easily for me. When I look back on it, I don't know exactly when the obsession was lifted, but it was early on in my recovery. I get how this person experienced that, but then slacked off on meetings and all the other subsequent things that prelude a relapse. Hell, I had started slacking off considerably in the past year, but have picked up the rate and am still praying, calling people, sponsoring, being sponsored, service work and am about to jump into meditation (got a full weekend class next weekend). Hearing someone's experience in this and relating so closely to their initial recovery was a good thing for me. While coming back to meetings and talking to people is coming easily to this person, the thinking of drinking is now ever present. Often the first recovery is a gift; subsequent ones can take a lot of work...

Having expectations can cause me problems, but I can and should have
standards.

Sent from my iPod, hence the brevity...

"If I can't handle it emotionally, I'll handle it intellectually." A fellow shared this tonight as we were talking about keeping it simple. It describes how I lived my life for so very long. I still do this, but not nearly like I used to. Progress...

I haven't been to a meeting since Tuesday. I was down during my London trip and only got into the city for the work I had to do.

Anyway, I got to TWO meetings tonight. One was planned by me; both were planned by GOD. After the first meeting, a fellow approached me asking about how AA works. It was his first meeting and today is his 3rd day without drinking. We sat and talked and my sponsee joined us, adding his experience, strength and hope. New Guy was open to another meeting at 8pm, so I followed him home and we went to the meeting together. (He was on a moped in 20-some degree weather!) My sponsee suggested a speaker meeting. (I'm so glad he did! I'd forgotten how important they were in my early days.) New Guy and I talked on the way there and arrived just as the opening prayer was being said. We paused and then took the last two seats; they were in the back. The tools were read and then the speaker was introduced. I was so excited because the speaker is an awesome guy whose story is always well-told. As we sat and listened, I was so touched that this was exactly where we were supposed to be. The speaker's story was so talking directly to New Guy! He even went and picked up his start/surrender chip. He slipped outside for a cigarette just before the meeting ended. It was actually to cry. When people flooded out after the meeting and were talking to him, he was simply speechless. We talked with the speaker for a few minutes and then headed out. On the way back to his place, we talked more. He said he'll call me tomorrow and will talk with his aunt about babysitting his daughter while he's at a meeting tomorrow night. I hope and pray he does.

It was indescribably awesome being a part of all of this, seeing hope and gratitude in eyes still uncertain with fear and unknowing. He is certainly in my prayers and on my mind. I am grateful to have been in his life and he in mine tonight. I hope there are more.

The takeaway from tonight's meeting:
"You can't out-give God." It's a paradox; the more I give, the more I receive and have to give.

I didn't get to a meeting today. Instead, I went out with friends to celebrate FA's birthday. It was a good night and one of those that was an OK reason to miss one.

I'm heading out for London, England, tomorrow, providing the snow, sleet and freezing rain don't ground either of my flights. I have a meeting schedule for London and plan to go to meetings Friday and Saturday.

...and a non-functioning reminder makes for no post yesterday. Hopefully the reminder is fixed.

What was my take-away from yesterday??? Hmmmm...

No one needs to understand my alcoholism for me to treat it. Whether or not they understand what it means for me to be alcoholic and how that manifests in me is not something I need to worry about.

Tonight's meeting:

Sponsorship changes over time. In my starting recovery, I needed my sponsor to help me work the steps. Now we are still in a step-oriented relationship, but our interaction is more coach-like in applying the principles of the steps to my life. (As my sponsee and I approach the 12th step, I see this happening for us, too.)

Time to step up my meetings... I have a daily email reminder set to tell me to blog about what I got from that day's meeting. On a side note, I've been traveling a bit over the past few months and have gone to meetings in many locales. One in Dublin, Ireland; two in Barcelona, Spain; one in Doha, Qatar; one in Manchester, England. I love that I can find my tribe almost anywhere I go!

From tonight's meeting:

Especially when I get a number of years of sobriety (double digits), be sure to listen to those people who are early in their sobriety. What for me is "I remember when" is what they're living in.