Before & After
There's a standing invitation to meet at a cafeteria about and hour and fifteen minutes before the gay meeting on Tuesdays and Saturdays. I go on occasion and did last night. We had a small group of us, only five, but the camaraderie was no less than when we number more. This meeting before the meeting is always good for me. Though conversation is not only about recovery, recovery can't help but be in our conversation. I've pretty much enjoyed meeting before the meeting since I got into the program, though certainly more now than those first days. I regularly arrived at meetings thirty, forty-five or more minutes early. I was outta there as soon as the meeting was over, but that only lasted for several weeks. I grew to enjoy the meeting after the meeting, too!
Nowadays, I don't quite know what's gone awry, but there seem to be significantly fewer meetings after - especially after the gay meetings. We used to have a big ol' gaggle of us go to coffee shops or restaurants, most often on Saturday night, but occasionally on Tuesdays, too. Now the impromptu gatherings don't seem to happen with nearly the frequency or regularity they did a year ago or more. Now, plans have to be made before we get to the meeting, for if there are no plans, we all just go our separate ways. Sure, some of us go our separate ways together, but the gaggle was so wonderful and it's just not there now.
I just started reading (and FA is several chapters into it) a really good book by Joe Kort called "10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love" - I just finished its predecessor, "10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Lives" and MP is (hopefully) going to read it. In the second book, Joe writes in a section titled Socialization and Belonging:
I wonder what has changed that we no longer do as we did. I miss our hanging out in large groups. Certainly, we are not the same group of people we were then. Those of us still around have grown and are growing. Several folks are not here due to moving away or going out. How to draw together a new group of comrades and experience that large-scale "sobriety buddy" connection that was so reassuring in my early days?
Nowadays, I don't quite know what's gone awry, but there seem to be significantly fewer meetings after - especially after the gay meetings. We used to have a big ol' gaggle of us go to coffee shops or restaurants, most often on Saturday night, but occasionally on Tuesdays, too. Now the impromptu gatherings don't seem to happen with nearly the frequency or regularity they did a year ago or more. Now, plans have to be made before we get to the meeting, for if there are no plans, we all just go our separate ways. Sure, some of us go our separate ways together, but the gaggle was so wonderful and it's just not there now.
I just started reading (and FA is several chapters into it) a really good book by Joe Kort called "10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love" - I just finished its predecessor, "10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Lives" and MP is (hopefully) going to read it. In the second book, Joe writes in a section titled Socialization and Belonging:
... and joined Narcotics Anonymous and gay AA--which is another great place for achieving belonging and building relationships with other gays and lesbians.I strongly agree with Mr. Kort and do so from experience. Indeed, I have found a great sense of belonging in gay AA (and mainstream) and have built some of the most special relationships I've ever had with people in gay AA.
I wonder what has changed that we no longer do as we did. I miss our hanging out in large groups. Certainly, we are not the same group of people we were then. Those of us still around have grown and are growing. Several folks are not here due to moving away or going out. How to draw together a new group of comrades and experience that large-scale "sobriety buddy" connection that was so reassuring in my early days?
