I Should Be Drunk
First, thank you to all of you who keep giving me encouragement, love and smiles.
My grandfather is not doing well. Details are sketchy and prediction is just an exercise of insanity. I'm taking it as it comes.
My mother is going in for outpatient surgery on her arm on Thursday. I'm taking that day off to take Granny to the hospital for us to be there and wherever else we wind up.
My best friend's cat, Creature, has been declining in health over the past several months due to diabetes. A rapid decline in the past few days has prompted my friend to choose to put her down. I'll be accompanying him through that tomorrow.
I have made an appointment with a new surgeon at a new practice to work with me on my back. I'll first meet with him on May 18.
I have begun taking steps to rectify the communication and remuneration situations with my client.
In all of this, I do not feel overwhelmed. I can't say the exact reasons why, but I know for a fact that were I to face all of this 3 years ago, I'd have been drunk. I'd probably have been drunk almost every night. I would not have been available to my family and friends. I'd have been useless to them and me. One thing I know, too, is that all of those "have been's" could very easily become "be's" and I need to keep on doing what I've learned to keep that from happening.
It occurs to me that by my previous life standards, all of this stuff would cast a major pall over all of my living. Now, it's almost as if the good stuff and the not-so-good stuff are compartmentalized. I'm not sure if that's the right analogy; I'll have to think on it. Still, the good stuff doesn't seem to be lessened by the not-so-good stuff. It used to be. Now a strong acceptance of "what is, is" is (damn that looks weird) so pervasive in my life. Oh, I can still get all pissy about some things. But, more and more, there's a sense of "Why get all worked up over it? Just keep moving along. Life'll change soon." I'm aware of my emotions in these things, but I'm not being driven by them. At least not the overt, dramatic emotions. Perhaps the underlying, quiet ones are driving me and I don't even notice it. Perhaps I'm just full of shit...
Regardless, by all accounts, I simply should be drunk. I'm not... And I'm grateful.
My grandfather is not doing well. Details are sketchy and prediction is just an exercise of insanity. I'm taking it as it comes.
My mother is going in for outpatient surgery on her arm on Thursday. I'm taking that day off to take Granny to the hospital for us to be there and wherever else we wind up.
My best friend's cat, Creature, has been declining in health over the past several months due to diabetes. A rapid decline in the past few days has prompted my friend to choose to put her down. I'll be accompanying him through that tomorrow.
I have made an appointment with a new surgeon at a new practice to work with me on my back. I'll first meet with him on May 18.
I have begun taking steps to rectify the communication and remuneration situations with my client.
In all of this, I do not feel overwhelmed. I can't say the exact reasons why, but I know for a fact that were I to face all of this 3 years ago, I'd have been drunk. I'd probably have been drunk almost every night. I would not have been available to my family and friends. I'd have been useless to them and me. One thing I know, too, is that all of those "have been's" could very easily become "be's" and I need to keep on doing what I've learned to keep that from happening.
It occurs to me that by my previous life standards, all of this stuff would cast a major pall over all of my living. Now, it's almost as if the good stuff and the not-so-good stuff are compartmentalized. I'm not sure if that's the right analogy; I'll have to think on it. Still, the good stuff doesn't seem to be lessened by the not-so-good stuff. It used to be. Now a strong acceptance of "what is, is" is (damn that looks weird) so pervasive in my life. Oh, I can still get all pissy about some things. But, more and more, there's a sense of "Why get all worked up over it? Just keep moving along. Life'll change soon." I'm aware of my emotions in these things, but I'm not being driven by them. At least not the overt, dramatic emotions. Perhaps the underlying, quiet ones are driving me and I don't even notice it. Perhaps I'm just full of shit...
Regardless, by all accounts, I simply should be drunk. I'm not... And I'm grateful.
